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(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2005|10:18 pm]
retreatretreat
1. Ever been given a ring?
not in that context

2. Longest Relationship?
5 mo.

3. Last gift you received?
a hat from my grandmother

4. How many times have you dropped your cell?
too many

5. Last time you worked out?
a while ago

6. Thing(s) you spend a lot of money on?
rent. food. books. travel.

7. Last food you ate?
salad

8. First thing you notice about the opposite sex?
facial expressions

9. One favorite song:
"Milk and Honey", Jackson C. Frank

10. Where do you live?
Davis

11. High school you attended?
Nevada Union

12. Cell phone service provider:
verizon

13. Favorite mall store:
The gift shop at the national gallery of art in washington DC

14. Longest Job held:
2 years, I think

15. Do you own a pair of dice?
several

16. Do you prank call people?
sometimes

17. Last wedding attendend?
dawn and rich

18. First friend you'd call if you won the lottery?
dad

19. Last time you attended church:
grandpa's funeral? does that count?

20. Favorite fast food restaurant?
jamba juice

21. Biggest lie you have ever heard?
love is dead/rock n' roll is dead

22 Where do you work?
in the gallows

23. Where's your favorite place to eat with friends?
Ike's, DOV

24. Can you cook?
yes

25. What car do you drive?
i don't.

26. Best kisser?
eh

27.Last time you cried?


28. Most disliked food?
ham.

29. Thing you like most about yourself:
i am not numb by any means

30. Thing you dislike most about yourself:
procrastination

31. Person you want to do in a bad way?
uhhhh ha nice question

32. Longest shift you have worked at a job?
8 hours

33. Favorite Movie?
talk to her

34. Can you sing?
yes

35. Last concert attended?
garrett' pierce

37. Last movie rented:
i dunno

38. Favorite Alcoholic drink?
red red wine

39. Thing you never leave home without?
phone, brain

40. Favorite vacation spot?
my garden back home
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(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2005|12:40 pm]
retreatretreat
January

1. Did you have a new year's resolution this year?
probably to stop procrastinating... it failed

2.Who kissed you at midnight?
nobody

4. Do you like hot chocolate?
of course i LIKE it

5. Have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop?
no

February

1. Who was your valentine in 2005?
ben

2. What did your valentine get you?
a cd with songs he'd written for me. and the words "you're a horrible, horrible human being. i never want to see you again, ever." (we broke up on valentine's day)

3. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class?
yes, of course. it was cute.

March

1. Are you Irish?
a tiny bit

April

1. Do you like the rain?
if it's not too cold and i'm dressed properly

2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
i don't recall

3. Did you get tons of candy on easter?
not really

May

1. What's your favorite kind of flower?
i'm lame and like roses a lot

3. Do you like the spring?
yes

4. Finish the phrase: April showers bring may flowers, what do may flowers bring?
american chumps

5. What would you think of as a spring color?
pale green

June

1. What year did you graduate from school?
2004

2. Did you go on any vacations last June?
i went home

July

1. What did you do on the 4th of July?
boat party!

3. Did you go on any vacations during this month?
sf for one weekend, that's it

August

1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer?
no, i just left without a word

2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05?
the boat party was pretty amazing... went to some amazing shows... some amazing dance parties...

3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer?
yes, i went to the river almost every day... never went a week without it

4. Do you go to the beach a lot?
no, i should have.

September

1. Did you attend school/college in '05?
started my 2nd yr

2. Who is/was your favorite teacher?
my lit crit teacher was hot

3. Do you like fall better than summer?
yes, especially when i'm in nevada city, which i wasn't

October

1. What was your favorite halloween costume ever?
well i was a hippy for halloween one year and some guy called me a "female john lennon", which made me happy because that's pretty much what i aspire to be

2. what's your favorite candy?
reeses, 3 musketeers, smarties, neccos, dark chocolate..... ahh

3. what did you dress up like this year?
weird earth dwelling evil nymph manson child, according to everyone else

November

1. Whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving?
depends

2. Do you love stuffing?
the noun or the verb?

3. What are you thankful for?
friendship and family and the arts, fer real.

December

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
yes

2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
no

3. What do you want this year for Christmas?
a digi cam

4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas?
my mom made me a quilt on the yr she couldn't afford presents

5. Do you like cold weather?
yes, in nevada city or in the mountains (backpacking) or in a big city. not in davis.
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(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2005|02:30 am]
retreatretreat
i'm getting semi-serious about my music. it's scary because it's quite a risk. and it's a personal risk too. music is heartbreakingly personal.

i talked to my old guitar teacher, neil, today. i told him about how i had been intimidated by the NC music scene... about how they were all amazing musicians and i felt like i couldn't put music out into the world until i moved to davis. and it's proved to be true. he said something really nice: "yeah, but you're 10 times better than any of them. they might get that success right now but you'll be able to go much farther with it." he also said something like "geniuses like us" and he told me that i could be a professional musician if i wanted to - that there's no question about it. he was so sweet and it made me feel so much better about myself and my abilities. mentor figures are really very important. i love him like a family member. i used to go into my lessons and just cry for the full half hour while he talked to me about why i was upset. he was as much a friend and a mentor and a counselor as he was a teacher. i don't know how i can ever thank him. maybe with doing something with my music. i really think i told him some stuff that i didn't even tell my own father or mother. he was there for me at a very, very dark part of my life. and he has been the most supportive of me and my music from the get-go. he told my mom that i was the best student he ever had. that kills me.

i'm supposed to play at delta tomorrow. i'm terrified.
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and more again [Dec. 12th, 2005|02:27 am]
retreatretreat
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.
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survey for YOU [Dec. 12th, 2005|01:53 am]
retreatretreat
Respond to this with your name and I will answer the following questions in regards to YOU:
1. What do you wish for this person more than anything?
2. Who should this person be with, ideally?
3. What's a good color on this person?
4. Have you ever seen this person fall or trip?
5. What's this person's best personality trait?
6. What's this person's worst personality trait?
7. What disneyland ride would they enjoy and why?
8. What celebrity would they look good with?
9. Are they more likely to end up as a carnie or as a mcdonalds worker?
10. What's your favorite memory of this person?
11. What's your favorite thing to do with this person?
12. Make a prediction about this person's career.
13. Make a prediction about this person's love life.
14. Make a prediction about what they would have been in a past life (if past lives existed)
15. What would you make this person for dinner if you were to invite them over?
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reunited with my old best friend [Dec. 5th, 2005|11:51 am]
retreatretreat
i have recently gotten back in touch with my first-ever friend and first-ever boyfriend. his name is nathan. i found him on the facebook, of all places.

we were best, best friends way back when. his birthday was in october, so he'd always have these halloween/birthday parties with scary stories and scary music and those boxes that you reach into and feel the contents of. he was awesome. his favorite animal was a pegasus. we were both really into the last unicorn. i remember going to chuck-e-cheese with him and playing legos with him. his mother's name was raphaela and she was this extremely sweet woman.

once, we were in preschool and i said to him, (i initiated it) "hey, do you want to have sex?" i was four or five. he said yes, so we went around to all the other kids saying, "hey, do you want to come watch us have sex in the bathroom?" pretty much every kid, without fail, said yes. so we coralled all these kids to come watch us, and then we went in the big bathroom, the teachers' bathroom, and put a chair up against the door with all the kids inside. all i remember is that i told them i needed to pee first, so i peed. and then he and i were both naked and kissed. at about that point one of the teachers came into the bathroom with a key and i was more humiliated than i've ever been in my whole life.

anyway, yeah, nathan. now he's really into indie and 60's grunge. he plays guitar and is trying to write a book. he likes the pixies. i'm so happy that after all these years we grew to be similar rather than different. i can't wait to keep a dialogue going with him.
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(no subject) [Dec. 1st, 2005|11:58 pm]
retreatretreat
Grey is what I am capable of.
My father showed me the ropes
And hid the ends.
They say my soot is your fault;
That Fairness would restrict you
To photograph
And store you in a book which might be lost
And found only on a white beach
By wrinkled hands.
I tell them that my eyes are your salt
And that it pains me to see you parched.

I am putting your thoughts through a sieve.
You do not seem to mind.
And I claim your arms.
The other girls tell me you have ghost limbs.

I ask that you do not let me dull you
But I also ask that you do not fear for my own luster.

You are matte on the other side
Of this discriminating
Colander.
I drink the cool liquid
Because I can not bear to see
The luster that it lacks.

My grandmother told me
Between quilt stitches,
Between turns of a clock hand,
That she would soon forget.
Deeming her memory enough of a burden to lose
I asked no favor or advice from her:
A loss of respect would make her pack too light.

I went to the one who I used to watch dive
Into luster immortal
For abalone.
He told me that I must try you out on soil
To see what might grow.
But I want to grow things independently
Of your influence,
That you might see their fruit and remark upon
Its foreignness to your eye;
So that I might show you how you are wrong;
That it is not so foreign.

And now, these things do grow,
And know not from where
Or whom
They are fed.
I was told that deprivation
Would lead to an infertile mind,
And so I feed but do not recognize the brand
Nor the make
Of this fuel.

They grow.
Yellow aspires toward green
But banks on brown,
Mud left by your low tides.

I’m chewing your words with my teeth
And in doing so, something breaks.
I now take your words in liquid form
And feel an infant.

I am left only to wait
For error to cause some bay of thought to remain
whole,
insoluble,
Adrift.
It is these truths that I can understand;
These truths that paint things in green;
These truths that I choke on:
Perhaps when at last you see death
At your doorstep
You find that life is already in your house
And that he has removed his coat
In preparation for a long stay.

I want to take my welcome mat and burn it
To ash.
My father asks that you do not give me reason
To do so.
I relay his message to you and it shines.
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(no subject) [Nov. 26th, 2005|01:05 pm]
retreatretreat
You scored as Green. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>

</td>

Green

100%

Democrat

92%

Socialist

83%

Anarchism

83%

Communism

67%

Fascism

42%

Republican

8%

Nazi

0%

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com
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(no subject) [Nov. 22nd, 2005|04:40 pm]
retreatretreat
i sit here in roma. inside, because i don't want to be around smokers. i just ran into rob and inna as they passed me (it was planned) on the way to campus as i fled campus. they are two of the best people i know. and i have not known them long. and so i am left with nothing but excitement about all that i may know of them in the rest of the year.

i am excited about life lately. it's been a while. i am excited in a very cynical woody-allen-esque way. i feel that nothing good has happened to me with romantic relationships in so long that it's actually most likely that something good will happen soon and much less likely that something won't. my luck can't go any farther down, which means that it can only go upwards. even a small incline will be greatly appreciated.

i'm very tired of assuming all the time that people are thinking ill of me. i think i'm going to stop assuming anything at all and just take peoples' words for what they mean and not read between the audial lines. i don't know if i'm able, but i will try.

i've been eating more salad than at any other point in my life. it is expensive.

i want to shop but have no money.

a man has begun to play the piano in roma and it's reminding me that spontaneous creativity and inspiration - even "covers" of old classical songs - make me feel warm and christmas-y. he's very good and makes me want a piano more than i knew. but know it i did. and still i do. my heart has a little piece missing and that piece is wedged between two white keys in some piano far away that plays as easy as go fish and sounds like the wind in my dreams.

i'm going home tomorrow night. i'm seeing everyone again. i am filled to my crown with a feeling of warmth and anticipation. if nothing else, i will get a hug from each of those dear to me.

perhaps i will begin playing the piano at roma whenever my friends smoke cigarettes. i will not smoke, and i will practice piano more.

resolution #1 is this: begin playing piano in the practice rooms on campus at least once a week.

resolution #2: find a piano teacher or decide to take a class at the experimental college.

my cousin is meeting me for dinner in but a moment.

i have more love for a certain individual than i am able to express. i think he appreciates it in the best way that he can.

i'm only writing like this because this music is making me all dreamy.

like maxfield parish.

or philip glass.

or the velveteen rabbit.

inna and i are going to see the nutcracker in the city.

she is going to visit me in nevada city hopefully and i am going to prove to her how easily all the men there will fall in love with her.

i want to buy a white cat but nesa is allergic.
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(no subject) [Nov. 21st, 2005|02:36 am]
retreatretreat
sad cobbles and sweet cobbles and cobbles that scrape your heel where it licks the dirt. soon i will meet, once again, those where i walked my five-year-old feet so new. and now, older heels, and now, older streets. and now, kinder scrapes with faster healing.
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